what do you guys think about death?
i mean, what do you guys think will happen when you die?
do you think youll go to heaven?
or do you think youll walk the earth as a ghost?
this is just very interesting to me... and i really want to know anyone and everyones views on this.
you know, when you die... you wont be able to experiance any more things, like riding roller coasters and feeling the thrill. you wont be able to breathe anymore. you cant ever buy awesome things that you always wanted, yet never got to get when you were alive. youll never be able to see what ever happens in the future... unless you believe in reincarnation.
i dont know if any of you guys understand what im talking about... but its really important to me... i mean, the last 10 years, ive thought about death and what it would be like. and it didnt start scaring me until abput 5 or so months ago. ive woke up having panic attacks... woke up screaming and crying... i mean, i know no one really wants to die. but we all know its going to happen some day. it just really scares me. i dont want to lose the people that i love, and i dont want the people that love me to hurt inside... and cry over me. but i know that it will have to end some day.
personally, if i could... i would live forever. i want to be immortal. i never want to stop breathing. i dont want to grow old and never be able to expierence anything ever again.
i dont know, i think im just really scared and confused and i just dont know what to do about it. i might drop dead in 10 years from now, or in 2 weeks, or tomorrow, or i could even drop dead right after i post this.
im not scared of anything, but when it comes to thinking about death... i get really scared.but its like everytime i turn around... its there, staring me in the face... as if i feel the shadow of death holding my hand, and i cant let go. ive tried every anxiety medication there can possibly be... ive tryed talking to a therapist about it... and ive tried meditation... almost anything someone has suggested to me... ive tried, but i cant shake this terrified feeling for some reason. even in my sleep... its there. i cant even fully enjoy sex because of this. i know this is alot of information that people dont need to hear, and probably dont want to hear... but i want to know how many people out there feel the same way. i want to hear your thoughts and feeling on this subject. so if you have the audacity to answer this... then please.... comment me on this... let me know. it doesnt matter if its a short comment, or a suuuuper long one. ill read it, and it would be greatly appreciated.

i just want to live forever. breathe forever. never grow old.

everyone thinks they can control my life.
the parents. the only reason they can (sort of) control my life, is because i still live with them. but they act like im only 12. im 20 for fucks sake.
the government. they deny me everything but my right to breathe... as though it seems like.
employment corperations/agencies/ places that are hiring. they suck. ive only had 2 interviews in the past 2 & 1/2 years... at WALMART for christs sake. and they deny me. its the easiest place to get hired into!!! and i COULDNT even IT!!!!!! ugh!
some friends. i dont know how to explain that one.. i would have to think about that one a bit longer.
AD agencies. the thinner the better! and now look what happened. our society... our people... and the children are totally fucked up and screwed for the rest of out lives. INCLUDING ME!


WHATS LIVING FOR!!!???...

tell me that.